How is perspective affecting your experience of illness?
My cousin and I experienced very differently how our grandma lived with dementia. Our interactions centred around the same woman, with whom we had very similar relationships, and yet what we took away from the experience was worlds apart, because we approached the situation from different perspectives.
For me, it was simply hard to witness the effects of the disease on this woman whom I treasured, this woman who had always had a way of making me know that I was special. It was especially hard when my grandma stopped recognizing me, and I wondered about the value of going to visit; the fact that I had to travel an hour to go see her was a convenient excuse not to visit often. It became even more heart-breaking when I visited my grandma with my mom, and I realized that my grandma didn’t even recognize her own daughter. All I could see was that I had lost the grandma I had known as I was growing up. Afraid and ashamed of my pain, I avoided experiencing it, and I stopped making any effort to go visit.
At my grandma’s funeral, my youngest cousin shared in the eulogy that she had created a different experience during our grandma’s period with dementia. What stood out for me was that my cousin had made space for an evolving relationship based on our grandma’s changing needs and capabilities. What I heard is that when my cousin started visiting our grandma at the care facility, my cousin was still a beloved granddaughter; but gradually she became a different person in our grandma’s eyes, and the important thing was that my cousin allowed that. If I remember correctly, over time our grandma saw my cousin as a lovely protégé whom she had mentored; and later she saw my cousin as a somewhat familiar, friendly visitor. During those visits, my cousin embraced the role that our grandma believed my cousin filled, and as she did, my cousin opened the door to connection. True, it wasn’t the same connection that it had been before dementia affected our grandma. But it was a true connection with a person that she loved and valued, regardless of how our grandma’s awareness had changed.
My cousin and I both lost the grandma that we knew, and yet my cousin was able to stay in relationship and appreciate the gifts that connection offered. I wish I had known how to do that at the time, so I could have continued to let my grandma know that I loved her.
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Just as perspective changes what we see in an optical illusion, perspective affects how we experience day-to-day events, including illness.
Image by Brocken Inaglory is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
The key is perspective. Perspective was the difference between what my cousin and I experienced as our grandma lived with dementia – in this case my perspective focused inwardly on my needs, and my cousin’s focused outwardly on our grandma’s needs. Perspective doesn’t just impact our interactions with others, but it also impacts how we deal with disease: perspective was the difference between whether I struggled with necessary dietary changes or whether I thrived – the need to adopt challenging dietary changes stayed the same, but my perspective affected how I experienced life during those changes. Perspective changes the experience.
If you are struggling with a health condition, whether it’s yours or a loved-one’s, do you know how your perspective is affecting your experience? Are you open to exploring your perspective? If you are, but you’re not sure where to start, feel free to call or email us at Navigate Your Health, to speak to a trusted health navigator and advocate to explore what you’re thinking, and whether a change in perspective can improve your health journey.