What did you assume?
My husband and I needed help. We were in a desperate situation, and we needed a new solution. Logically, we went and consulted an expert. The discussion seemed to go well. We were a little hesitant at first – it wasn’t quite what we were hoping for – but in the end we accepted that no solution would be ideal. When we told our expert that we were ready to move forward, we discovered that the plan wasn’t quite what we were expecting. Somewhere along the line there had been a misunderstanding – it was like there was a canyon between ourselves and the expert. We walked away saying “no thanks,” feeling frustrated, like trust had been damaged, and that we had wasted time and energy.
Was this scenario in a doctor’s office? No, it was at a car dealership, to replace our car. But similar results can be generated in a doctor’s office. There’s a critical diagnosis – or maybe even critical symptoms without a diagnosis yet – and the patient and their loved-ones are looking for a clear path forward, and because of a misunderstanding they end up leagues away from where they expected to be, which leads to a sense of hurt and betrayal.
Are you frustrated with, or even angry at a doctor? Was there a misunderstanding? Then it’s time to check the assumptions you made and find out where communication broke down. It’s time to start over and ask better questions.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay.
It’s true that car salespeople and doctors generally have different motivations: one is trying make a sale without giving too much away, while the other is trying to help you with your health (though some doctors do push procedures with higher billing amounts… a discussion for another time). So if these professionals have opposite motivations, how do we end up with comparable results? I argue that it comes down to assumptions and not asking enough clarifying questions.
There are a variety of ways that assumptions show up and undermine a medical consultation. We lose our power to make an informed decision, when we don’t take the time to ask about the meaning of jargon, or we accept a doctor’s conclusion when it just doesn’t make sense to us. We risk facing a journey for which we didn’t appreciate its enormity, when we accept hand-waving about a procedure or its risks and benefits. We waste our own time with more appointments for ongoing issues, when we don’t speak about our lived experience and assume that the doctor knows what’s best. Yes, some doctors could improve their ability to communicate, but if we make doctors fully responsible for good communication, we give away control. And if we give away all responsibility, then is it fair to walk away, angry at the doctor, when things go wrong?
So don’t give away your control. Don’t assume that it will all be managed for you. If you don’t understand, ask questions. The doctor doesn’t have time? What about the time you waste when you don’t manage your health as well as you could because you don’t understand? What about the time you waste on anxiety-filled worries around details you haven’t understood correctly? Yes, sometimes the doctor doesn’t have time just then, but find out when they do have time, or who else could answer your questions.
You’re in too much of a fog or too intimidated to ask questions? Or you don’t know what to ask? Bring someone who you trust to do it well for you. You could bring a family member or a friend. What if they’re in just as much of a fog, or they don’t know what to ask? Or you don’t have such a person in your life? Feel free to call or email us at Navigate Your Health, to speak to a trusted health navigator and advocate who has experience in what to ask, understands the challenges you’re facing, and will walk with you through the fog.